I will hide and you will hide And we shall hide together here

Another day recovering. Better than yesterday where my wound hurt every time I moved and throbbed continually through the day. I forget that when you are “ill” or “recovering” that’s what you’re actually doing. Last week I imagined I could recuperate by reading and writing, popping out a little. In reality it’s been hard to do very much except sit watch 25 year old episodes of The X-files and feeling grim. The days go quickly, so even if I did want to be hyper-productive, I wouldn’t get the time before the kids are back and the evening routine begins. No doubt it’s the perception of time I have at this stage in my life. When I was a teenager I would spend sprawling, endless days hanging out with friends. Now time is furious in its passage. Or maybe it always was.

Saying that, I did manage to do some writing this morning. Not a great deal. But some. After listening to an interview with Paul Tremblay yesterday, I just need to be a little more measured in how much I need to write each day.

Listened to James O’Brien on LBC, too. He was baiting some of his odious listeners about Greta Thunberg and climate crisis. O’Brien antagonises his audience because he clearly tells them how they operate. They are angry but don’t know why they are angry, he tells them. They angrily argue with him only to not know why they are arguing with him. Caller after caller phones in to tell him he’s wrong, but unable to explain how he’s wrong. They just know he’s wrong, they tell him. He describes them as stupid and more phone in to attempt to wrestle with him. There’s no trick with O’Brien: he is a sharp, careful rationalist. He explains his thought processes and why he thinks as he does. Those disagreeing with O’Brien can’t cope with that type of self-reflectivity. They don’t want to know themselves (probably because they loath themselves and the lives they lead) and want to transfer their resentments onto others: remainers, Megan Markle, socialists. Today they tell him they dislike Greta Thunberg, They don’t need a little girl to tell them about climate crisis. They don’t like her. But they do like David Attenborough. Why don’t we hear from experts? they moan plaintively. When O’Brien points out that Thunberg and Attenborough tell people to listen to experts, his listeners don’t want to know. We know the truth, they think. Fake news, they whisper to themselves.

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